if you like me you must not know who I am
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
