i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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