I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
