bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
