I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The uberlube is also flammable
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
