The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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