I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
