did you get engaged???
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Why are your pants in the freezer?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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