Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
