I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
