Just cropdusted the office
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
