ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
