so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
