I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
