You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
