Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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