is your mom at the bar?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
