Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
