Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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