I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
