this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
