Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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