Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
