I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
