She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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