sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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