there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
