You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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