its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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