Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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