it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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