She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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