I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Randomize
