I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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