you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
