SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
