we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
