How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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