why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
