do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
