I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
