So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
