If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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