I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
