Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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