It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
