It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
