After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
