my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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