We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
