do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
