My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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